Positive Propaganda: Black Women & Girls Are Proudly Chaste
Let’s talk about sex, sisters.
I adore this picture so much! It sat on my computer’s desktop for weeks after it was published, a captivating reminder of what I know to be true not just about Meagan Good, but of all black women and girls…
…the fact that we are worth the wait!
I’m sure you’ve heard by now that the lovely Mrs. Good (now, Franklin), refrained from intercourse with her then-fiance’ until the night of their wedding. The couple dated for well over a year prior to the night she revealed the crown jewels.
When the news broke of their sacred agreement, the internets and blogosphere went bananas! Folk just simply couldn’t fathom a young couple (a young black couple at that) voluntarily eschewing premarital sex; it was like they stepped out of a Victorian novel or something!
And shockingly, a good number of the incredulous comments came from other sisters! “How can she make him wait like that!” they cried. “Good for her, but I sho couldn’t do it!” they laughed.
I giggled along with the crowd, knowing that at times celibacy can be a struggle. But deep inside, and later very publicly on message boards, I cheered for my sister Meagan, feeling a wee bit closer to the “friend-in-my-head” because we shared similar values, and, like me, she wasn’t afraid to speak up about them. If only chastity was more popular, I wished.
Well, I’m here to pop out of the closet of celibacy and proclaim that chaste living probably is quite popular, and if not, it both should and can be.
Sisters, I’m here to proclaim that chaste is the new black! *raises fist*
Loved ones, we hold SO much power in our sexual centers. It’s where we experience pleasure, where we bond, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually, with the one whom we adore. It’s the center from which we create new life! There is nothing more powerful than that capability.
We hold and own that power, yet some of us have wantonly given it away as if it were nothing more than a simple exchange for a steak dinner, or a well-worn toy.
Now, I understand the various reasons behind not being able to own ones’ feminine power through chastity. Whether its low self-esteem, a history of trauma, mental illness, or drug abuse, sometimes poor choices are made. But I’m here to say that no matter the mistakes of your past, any day can be a new day to reclaim your feminine, sexual power, and refrain from giving away what should be EARNED.
It’s also my belief that in this day and age, this power – our GIFT – should only be given to the man who falls to one knee and pledges to love and care for us forever (and ever, and ever, amen).
To keep it very real, there’s just simply too much risk to being sexually generous these days, especially for black women. In 2009 the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (the CDC), reported that “black women accounted for 30% of the estimated new HIV infections among all blacks,” and most recently it was reported that “39.2% of black Americans have genital herpes (48% of black women!).” We simply have to keep ourselves safe, sisters; for ourselves and the for the sake of our community.
Equally as important to physical safety is emotional, spiritual, and psychological safety. Did you know that every time a woman experiences an orgasm, she releases what’s called oxytocin from her bloodstream, which is a biological chemical that emotionally bonds a woman to her sexual partner? It’s a STRONG chemical, sisters…equal to any man-made drug, and can literally have you strung-out on a man (men) that simply are not worth your time and emotional energy! Do we really want to be lookin’ for Tyrone in the daylight with a flashlight when we aren’t even sure if we like Tyrone, but can’t help it ’cause we let him in the candy jar? We need to keep our goodies away from Tyrone, and his cronies!
Lastly, ladies, we are just too gosh darn worthy of being courted in long-lasting, real ways than to give up our sacred bodies to any man who whispers sweet nothings in our ears and let’s us choose from the “good” side of the menu. We deserve and NEED to engage in long, intimate conversations with our suitors; get to know them, as best as one human can know another. See them in all four seasons, rain or shine, good times and bad, anger and sadness, before we bond on that deep of a level. And we need to know that they will be with us come good times or bad, and let them not just tell us, but show us, and show us repeatedly. We need to TRUST the man we gift with our chastity…our feminine power.
Take a look at the picture above of our sister Meagan and her new hubby once again. THAT’s the look of a woman who knows she has been, and will continue to be, well cared-for, honored, and respected. I love how they were both listening intently to the speaker at their wedding…someone who was probably imparting wise words of marital counsel and wisdom as the couple prepared to embark on their journey together. And I bet your bottom dollar that the wisdom shared had nothing to do with “puttin’ it on him” or “lovin’ her body right…all night…’til the morning light.” It’s not about sex, sisters. Real, true, lasting love is more than that, and can exist with or without sex. Let sex be the icing on the cake, not the bowl and the batter.
And in the end, you don’t want someone who “liked it so much he put a ring on it.” Not only is that crass, tacky, and WRONG, the phrase and act that it describes devalues the woman while praising her vagina, and NO ONE marries a vagina – they marry a WOMAN. And dear sisters, we are women; Conscious, Actualized, Trustworthy women (C.A.T.S…and cherished kittens on their way to being C.A.T.S.) whose lady parts, while important, are not the measure of our worth.
At the end of the day, you best believe it is something much deeper than good sex that will keep our sister Meagan, and many of our sisters out there, happily and lovingly dating, engaged, and married. And if you don’t believe me when I say that chaste is the new black, check out a recent post from one of our men-folk over at the popular blog Single Black Male: They don’t want us throwing our pearls at them either! http://madamenoire.com/188327/single-black-male-stop-giving-up-the-cookies-ladies-men-will-wait-for-sex/
So ladies, let’s join hands and agree with C.A.T sister Meagan that we will hold ourselves in high esteem, carry ourselves with poise and dignity, and keep our legs closed until our hearts are fully open and the ring is firmly on the finger (post-nuptuals). And if you can’t wait that long (though it won’t kill you…I promise), let’s at least wait until we’re fully monogamous with our partners, in a committed, loving, trustworthy relationship.
There is nothing worth the price of our bodies, our health, or giving up our feminine power.
Chaste IS the new black.